CHRISTmas

This morning during the Christmas service, we watched a clip of The Nativity Story. Through the movie clip I was stirred by the struggle Joseph had when he found out his betrothed Mary was with child. I felt the sadness in Mary's eyes.... My imagination was quickened as I observed the transformation of Joseph and Mary from fear to faith. Tears were close to my eyes, as Joseph and Mary welcomed baby Jesus.... Then as the shepherds came and knelt down at the manger, my heart was full. Of all the people in the world, God would first announce His birth to the lowliest of people--the shepherds. What a God of love and compassion! Lord, this is Your day, in which we celebrate your birth...that You would redeem us from our sins.

Let go and let God.

Sometimes I find that I can be a control freak.

That just happened the other day. It was righteous anger wrongly executed. Making it sin.

Again.

Mom is such a sweet mom...I don't know what I'd do without her. She gently told me that I just needed to let it all go. Mom said it wasn't my place to tell that other person what I did; I gave her a sullen reply in the negative that time, but I knew deep down she was right. She only smiled quietly at me, and remained silent.

Like what I should have done in the first place.

Sometimes I can't understand at all how God can break through hard and selfish hearts of people around me, but all I know is that God certainly doesn't need me to stick my foot in.

Should just stick it in my mouth next time.

Lesson review: I need to let go. And let God.

Overbearing or rebellious?

Sometimes it just saddens me to see young people who refuse to see the good behind parents' warnings, advice, and wishes for their children. To make matters worse, those same young people go and confide in peers who do not turn their focus on the Lord, but rather sympathize in their grievances against the parents. This certainly does not rectify matters in a way that glorifies God the most; rather, this glorifies the "stifled" child, and widens the chasm between her and her parents.

Parents aren't perfect! But it is absolutely no excuse for children to bring their parents down in the eyes of their friends, nor dishonour them in their hearts. Some parents may be strict than others, but young people must not complain. Or they are shaking their fist against God.

Young people complain that parents are overbearing and suppress them from being who they really are. The question is, who is the real you? A person who seeks to glorify God in her life in all circumstances, or a rebel?

Oh, Lord, I'm struggling

Napakahirap talaga nito...yung feeling na gustung gusto mo talaga makausap ang isang wonderful na friend...kaya lang because of certain circumstances eh hindi pwede. I need to pray and pray and pray to God to help me...I can't keep on like this.

Purely Pure

Earlier this week I stayed up late reading Eric and Leslie Ludy's book "When God Writes Your Love Story." I didn't realize on how much I need a refresher in the area of love life!

The Lord really convicted me (through Dad and the book! haha) that I have not been putting Him above my girl desire. I had become so concerned about keeping my standards high, and making sure I wasn't emotionally pulled in by any young man, that I forgot to maintain my relationship with the Lord.

I was reading in the staff room at work this morning, when I heard two of my coworkers talking about how they disagreed with another staff member not allowing her son to sleep over at a girl's place, even though the girl and her son were going to be in separate rooms. I overheard my coworkers saying how that it's normal that young people now lose their virginity early in their lives, then began talking of when they lost theirs. I could just feel every part of my being loathe such talk. How wrong! How totally rebellious to God's perfect plan for true love! How selfish, and how sinful! It just grieved my heart to think that immorality is now the norm. Yes, it's the norm...the norm of a hopeless life without God.

I'm now reading "Emotional Purity" by Heather Arnel Paulsen, and am coming more and more under conviction that purity after God's own heart is more than physical purity. Purity starts in the heart...and in the guarding of one's emotions. Proverbs 4:23 is coming alive to me, and God is truly burning it into my mind and heart. While reading, sometimes I feel so overwhelmed, and feel a twinge of sorrow and loathing that I actually have not guarded my heart vigilantly enough. Purity means a purity of heart, body, and soul...and by God's grace this is what I strive for in my singlehood...reserving myself for my "Prince Charming." ;)

By the way, I hate that term "Prince Charming." Haha.

Identity Crisis at Twenty-Three?

Tonight we had a creation scientist guest speaker from BJU. Afterwards, all the people just mingled around and chatted and laughed. First off, I had a little cuddle of baby Marissa, then wandered into the kitchen to get a cupcake and a hot mug of tea. In coming back to the auditorium, I sat down behind a group of younger girls. I think it's subconsciously that the girls got up and went to the kitchen to get a bite to eat. That was fine, but that made me feel awkward, because I was now sitting alone. So I found another group of girls, and started chatting with them. That was fine.

Then a while later, I found myself talking with one of the fathers of the church, who was just recovering from a serious back injury. We talked quite a while, then I excused myself to wash up my mug in the kitchen. I passed a large group of young people, and listened to them talking and laughing. By the time I'd finished washing up the mugs, Dad was calling us to go home. Things got a bit delayed, so I just hung around the back of the circle of the young people. I felt awkward to just step in there.

At the car, one of the young people gave a cheery comment to one of my sisters before driving off. That made me feel more awkward.

On the way home, I was quiet. Tonight I realized again that I hung around more the married people and the babies. I couldn't seem to fit in with the young people very well. I never really have. But why did I have to "fit in" better with the young couples and babies?? I like it, because I am more around their age...but still...I'm not married, neither have my own children.

So where do I really fit in?

In this sort of situation, I wish that I was in the Philippines, because at least there they have young people who do not get married till in their mid-twenties or later. Hahaha wishful thinking. Oh well.

Even though I don't really know where I fit best in my church, I just hope and pray that I will find fulfillment in warming many a lonely person, and encourage them to find comfort in the Lord.

So I guess...in the end...I have found my identity.

Somtimes I Wonder...

Sometimes I wonder, Lord, where will I be in 5 years from now? Married? Graduated? Single? Working? Traveling? Serving You in the Philippines? Or in Australia?

Not that I'm worried...I'm past that stage. :) I'm taking one step at a time because I'm loving life as it is. God is good, and He is all I need! I'm just asking...because I'm curious?

Sometimes I feel like a little child who wants to peek into the last chapters of an exciting story, to see the happy ending. But God keeps reminding me to trust in Him, and wait on Him, for He will surely direct my paths! I know that everything that God allows in a believer's life is for his or her growth and for His glory. And because of this, I know I can trust in Him! Sometimes, though, like a child, it would be nice to juuuust have one little peek? ;)

And sometimes...God does allow heartache and sorrow in a believer's life. At the time, I don't see it as a good thing; however, in the end I know that God has a wonderful purpose for it. Ultimately, that wonderful purpose is the happy ending to a beautiful story.

Sometimes...I'm random, I know. Hahaha.