Condescension vs. Discernment in Friendships

Be a friend to all.

In life, though, there are just some people that you prefer to stay on an acquaintance level. On my part, this is not because they're not cool enough to be my friend. Truth be told, I don't feel good enough to be a lot of people's friend. Rather, it's because I have seen their doubtful influence on other people's lives. Rather than pointing struggling people to God, they condone their self-pity and pride. They help keep bitterness harboured in the heart, rather than sustain a person in prayer. Some, sadly, resort to labeling sin under mental illness and other psychological illnesses. They support nursing of ill-feelings. They act as if their happiness depends on friends.

There's a difference between condescension and preferring to stay on an acquaintance level. Condescension is the feeling of self-conceited superiority above another; hence, one feels that the other is not worthy to be his or her friend. The latter option, however, is totally the opposite of condescension. Preferring to stay on an acquaintance level comes with spiritual discernment...which comes with earnest prayer and the leading of the Holy Spirit.

Yes, you can be a friend to all. In fact, God commands us to love the brethren; such a statement leaves no room for "buts." I do believe, however, that there are some people who it is best not to associate with too often. It's not that I avoid them like a plague (to borrow the cliche); it's more that I am friendly towards them (which is different from being friendly to their face!), and show genuine concern and sympathy towards them, but do not seek to monopolize their lives, their walk with God, and their relationship with family.


"By your fruits ye shall know them" (Matt.7:16).

"Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners" (1 Cor.15:33).

Helpless

I think my heart will break.

O God, why do some people think they're forced to fight life out all by themselves? Why do they believe that the family doesn't care? Why do they turn to friends who join them in their woeful view of life? Doing this just erodes the family relationship, and turns their hearts away from the family. Why, O God? My heart is just so heavy....

Satan is doing his best to destroy people with bitterness and hate. He is succeeding.

O God, please be merciful. Intercede!

Dilemma

Some people you just can't understand. One minute you think you've got them sorted out in your mind, next minute you're bewildered.

There's a girl I know who is one of those people. She craves to be loved and accepted just as she is, and I do. I love her, that it burdens me when I see her so bitter and believing she's all alone. It just so happens that I've got a personality that she cannot tolerate; and no matter how hard I try, she gets annoyed at me.

She also doesn't like it when people make comments how she makes so much noise with her piano. I don't: her "noise" is fine. I have no problem with that. Let her play to her heart's content, that's her life, and I'm happy for her. But I do find an issue with her losing patience with those who do once in a while get weary of the constant practicing and thus labeling her music as "noise." Who said moving out was her fantastic option, when all the situation needs is prayer, patience, and love?

She wants to play her soul music, and make somebody happy. I love her soul music; her parents are proud of her and her soul music. They don't "put up" with it; they love it! However, she must realize that her love for music is both on a different level as well as different intensity as theirs. Just because they cannot appreciate hearing her soul music 24/7 doesn't mean they don't love her or appreciate who she is and what she loves.

She says she says she was born into a paranoid family. How farther from the truth! Her family isn't perfect, and it does have certain standards that are different, but it is certainly a family that loves the Lord. Her parents seek to train their children in God's ways, as well as protect and guide them to the best of their God-given ability. Why does she need to fight against their protection? She wants things that go against her parents' judgment, such as going to a conservatory and living away from home. She's bitter because they cannot give their blessing for it. She must probably be wiser than her dad and mom. Or maybe she's just one of those people who need to do their own thing and learn the hard way? But if that's the case, God can't bless her. And I do so want God to bless her!

She feels that people sneer at her when she doesn't feel like talking. That is not the truth. It actually hurts when she doesn't want to talk, because for one, you want to help her. And secondly, it hurts to know that she doesn't want to trust anyone to help her. Not that it hurts me, when she refuses to talk to me; it's that it hurts me that she wants to be loved and to trust someone, but she refuses to be loved and understood.

She made a sarcastic comment one time, "Ignore me when I cry." I don't ignore her. I just let her cry and not say anything, just in case it makes matters worse. I've been told off many a time for "advising" when all people need is silence. So that's what I try. Don't they say that sometime people just need to cry, without people talking to them? That's what I do, but it doesn't seem to work. She's got me in a quandary. I thought silence was a way that I could let her know I sympathise with her, when in reality she looks at it as ignoring her. What does she term as not ignoring her then? My other dilemma is, if I ask her that, she'll clam up even more. *sigh*

She thinks her family and I think that we think she's fine. We KNOW she's not. But how do we let her know we understand? She refuses to trust and open up. We try to give her her space, because that's what she likes; however, she then misinterprets it as not caring about her or loving her. What am I to do?

Truth be told, dealing with such a personality can leave me pretty frustrated. Why can't she just stop acting as if I was out to get her? Why does she talk to me as if I didn't understand her, and that I was a stupid person? It hurts, and time and time again I feel the anger in me rising. But I know it's not a Christlike attitude toward her. I need to pray for her, and pray for her urgently and diligently. God knows I'm trying hard to be there for her, ready for whenever she chooses to share her burdens. But I always reach a dead end with her, that I'm quickly losing my desire to be her friend.

O God, have mercy. She's a very bitter, angry, confused girl. Please soften her hard heart, and let her remember that You DO love her. O God, please keep showing me how to let her know I love her too.

There are just some people in this world who want to be loved and understood, but then refuse to be loved and understood by those ready to do so.

New Year's Resolution for 2012

Continuation of 2011:

1. Mature spiritually
2. Grow closer to the Lord
3. Work diligently and cheerfully
4. Serve the Lord with gladness at church and at home

New for the year:

1. Lose weight
2. Read a book a month
3. Get my license by mid-year at latest
4. Have a best friend (not a boy!)
5. Be a better sister by God's grace

Dubious:

1. Find a way to manage curly hair!
2. Don't make an enemy. :(
3. Meet my husband-to-be. LOL.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

2012, here I come!

Crisis Twenty-Four

Somehow, when you're 24 years old, and a single girl, you sort of start praying hard for the right young man to come along. That's also when your married friends in their twenties describe how they were married and pregnant at your age. And when older mothers tease and ask what's wrong with you. And when Daddy's just quiet. Haha. I love being twenty-four because all this happens!

And because all of this happens, I also don't like being twenty-four.

Weird, isn't it?

I love church

I love church because...

I can learn more about God through His Word boldly preached.

I can listen in to senior primary's Sunday school lesson and learn about God's character.

I can cuddle the babies. ;)

I can step out of my comfort zone and talk to someone I don't usually talk to.

I can watch the children play four square nonstop.

I can try once again to think of others apart from myself.

I can remember that it is the Lord's Day, and is hallowed unto Himself.

I love church. It's not perfect. But it's family. :)

Grow up, man!

If only people would realize that when God blesses, He adds no sorrow to it, they would stop throwing tantrums at their authorities. They would also trust God's perfect will and timing. ;-) Who knows? God will either give them the desires of their heart in due time (because it WAS His will for them all along)...or prepare them for something much better.

They won't find out though until they stop acting like spoiled children. LOL.